Finding Strength

I never thought I would be sitting here writing this post. Two months ago when we started our IVF journey I kept dreaming of the next two months and the words we had waited to hear for so long...."You're pregnant". Having a family has always been our number one goal. We felt confident, we took every stride correctly. Everything had been going right. What could have gone wrong. We felt the transfer was perfect. We took the waiting period as good as we could. It was hard. Harder than any other IUI we had ever gone through. Every symptom I felt was due to the progesterone I was on. It was playing tricks on me. Evil tricks. Tricks of feeling pregnant.

We had made the mistake of testing early on a HPT. As we sat there in the bathroom waiting for the lines to show up we were overly excited. We thought we had it in the bag. We couldn't help but get excited. Then, right in front of our eyes we stared at a stick that would change our lives forever. We couldn't believe it. How could it be negative. It must have been a mistake. Maybe I didn't hold my pee long enough. Thoughts were flooding our heads. Tears started to stream down our faces. We knew it couldn't turn around. We sat down and sobbed for what seemed forever. My head started to hurt and I could feel my body tensing up from the emotions flooding my body. We didn't want to even go and get the blood test. Why the torture. We had enough.

We walked in and were greated. This time around it felt different. We felt alone and empty handed. We sat down in our usual chairs and right away we were called back. The nurse was all smiles. We were trying so hard to not show our emotions. We didn't want them to know we had cheated and tested early. As I sat in the chair I had sat in many time to get my blood drawn I felt lifeless. The nurse was talking and I couldn't even comprehend what she was saying. She finally told me we would get a call between 2:30 and 4:30. Great, even more waiting. We left hand in hand and walked to the car where we looked at each other cried again. We knew it was going to be okay. We knew everything happened for a reason. A reason we are still trying to understand.

We made the drive back home a long one hour drive. We got home and waited. We ate lunch. We ran errands to get our mind of of things. Finally, the call came in. I answered it. In the back of my head I was hanging on to a tad of hope maybe it could have changed. The nurse asked if it was a good time to talk. I could tell immediately from her voice that she was going to assure me what I had already known. "I'm so sorry but its negative". She went on about what to do from here. The doctor said we could start right away with a frozen embryo transfer. We feel blessed to have two on ice. Two expanded blasts. Two strong embryos fighting. Two embryos covered with prayer.

Its still a hard pill to swallow. It will be an emotional battle the next couple of weeks but that's okay. We have to grieve. We will NEVER give up. Its just not us. We will pick up the pieces and keep building the path we have been building. Sometimes there are cracks in a path but we will get over them. Together.

We have decided this time around we are not going to think so much about the frozen embryo transfer. We need to just let it happen. Keep living our lives as much as possible without thinking too much about everything. We are going to start walking again, keep going to acupuncture, start yoga/meditation and eating more clean. Hormones can really whack your body. I want to get my body normal again and go through this stress free and not wondering what happens next. Like I said before it will just happen.

I wanted to say thank you to all the fellow bloggers out there for all your support. You are all awesome! A special thanks to Ryann, you give me strength each day to keep on going and you are an amazing woman! We are so happy for you!

Thank you to both of our families. Your support has been AMAZING! You are the foundation we live on. Your prayers and guidance has been huge.

Last but not least, to my wonderful wife Sarah. Thank you for being there to pick up my tears when I need you the most and just hugging me. Thank you for unconditional love and support. I love you more than anything. You are my soul mate and I thank God each and everyday for allowing me to love you. I can't and couldn't see my life with any other person. I promise we will have that family we have always dreamed of. I love you buggy.

Till next time <3

3 more days!

Yikes, a couple of days ago I was complaining about time going by so slow and now we are here with only three more days to go. Thinking about Saturday makes me heart jump literally. I get chills all through my body and a sense of excitement and nervousness takes over my body. Sarah and I sat down yesterday evening and just talked for hours. We sat there on our bed of the possibilities of Saturday's test. We talked about our lives and where we are and we feel blessed. Blessed to have what we have. Blessed to have been able to take this journey. We want this so bad. I remember growing up I would hear others say "I would die for that." Never really understood what and why they meant that. I now know what that means. We would do anything to have a family. As crazy as that sounds to be able to hold that bundle of joy in your arms is something so beautiful and yet so priceless. Saturday is right around the corner and what we do know one thing for sure is that day we will be in tears either way.

Im praying for everyone out there who is on this journey. I pray for everyone who is pregnant that they have a happy and healthy 9 months. No matter who you are. Prayers are being sent your way.

Till next time!

The dreaded waiting

Dang! I know that this entire process has been waiting, after waiting but this waiting until our beta test is killer!! I swear time used to pass by with a snap of our fingers and now these past couple of days since transfer have been super long. I have been resting and relaxing these past couple of days. Watching movies, playing games, coloring, putting puzzles together, playing cards and talking. I have to say one thing during this entire process Sarah and I have gotten closer together. Our love has taken just another step. Its amazing how much you go through with this process and being with someone you love makes it even that much better.

We have our beta test on June 30th which is approx. one week from today! That day no matter what happens will change our lives. I am so excited for this week to get over and on Monday I return back to work. As much as it disappoints me to go back to work im looking forward to it because I will get my mind of the wait! We have decided to not test until the morning of. We don't want any discouragement. The blood test will tell us. Hope everyone that is waiting is doing great! Sending lots of positive vibes and prayers your way!

Better news! We got a call from our doctor and he said they were able to freeze two expanded blasts! We have two babies on ice waiting for us. God is good!

Till next time!

Transfer day

Hello! Today was our transfer and we transferred two early blastocysts and one Morula. A morula can turn into an early blast within a few hours. We are hopeful and pray that at least one sticks. This is in God's hands now. Enjoy the footage. :)

Fertilization report & update

Its been four days since our last update. Things have been super busy but here is an update in a nutshell. The day of the egg retrieval my pain was pretty bearable. However, as time went by the pain meds were leaving my body and it was more uncomfortable. I took some Tylenol and put a heating pad on my ovaries and took a six hour nap! I woke up feeling SO much better in fact I think that long nap really helped me recover a lot faster. I was scared of getting OHSS with all those eggs they took out but my doctor put my on a fluid restriction right away of only Gatorade and protein at every meal. Well let me tell you by Saturday evening I was walking as normal as I could and my pain was not that bad. I also did not feel bloated. On Sunday I felt great! So I did beat OHSS! I do believe the Gatorade really, really helped me! That is what did the trick!!

On Saturday we got our fertilization report. Out of the 31 eggs only 25 were mature. So in reality we only had 25 eggs. Out of those 25 eggs 14 fertilized with ICSI. We were a little bummed at first with this number but we got a call yesterday about our 3-day report and all 14 are still dividing correctly and strong! So we feel good going into day 5 with 14 embies going strong!

Tomorrow is our embryo transfer! Holy smokes! Where did time go?!

Today we plan on going to a movie and having a chill day. We are trying to get out of the house because for the next five days we will be house bound!

Will report tomorrow about the transfer! Transfer is set for 9AM!

Please pray for us!

The biggest Easter egg hunt, EVER!!

**Long post!**

Today was our egg retrieval! So excited to be writing this post! We went to bed really early because I knew I would be waking up in the middle of the night due to excitement/nervousness and what do you know....3:30 rolls around and I am wide awake! In fact we both woke up and talked and stayed up until we had to wake up! We both got ready and before you knew it we were making the drive to our facility. We arrived exactly at 7:39 and we waited in the car. We didn't want to be too early, LOL! We walked in and they took us back immediately. They took us to a waiting room and I had to sign some more papers before going under. They took us back and had me change, put some cozy socks on and sit until they were ready to put my IV in. I have to say totally off subject but the gown they gave me was awesome! It has a heating chamber that blows heat throughout my entire gown so I was so warm!

They had a hard time starting my IV in the wrist due to the fact that I had zero fluids. Finally they got one and thankfully it didn't hurt because they numbed me! After having my IV placed they waited 30 minutes. In between this the anesthesiologist came in to talk to us. She was super nice and she mentioned I had lots of eggs! She explained to me that I would be put out and would not feel a thing, phew! They sent Sarah off to the waiting room and this is when it hit me...this was really happening. I was scared and I started to shake really bad. They wheeled me in to the surgery center and transferred me to the other table. I had to put my legs on stir ups and have my legs tied down. They gave me some meds to help relax and boy was I relaxed! The phone rang and they said the doctor was coming in and he came in shook my hand and said lets get this started! After that it was a complete blur! Next thing you know I am waking up on the recovery room.

They brought Sarah back and she held my hand and said I was a trooper. I was in some pain and they gave me pain meds and started my Intralipid fusion. They took such great care of me. They gave me snacks, a movie to watch, and checked on me constantly. This is the best care I have ever had!We were waiting to see how many eggs they had retrieved. It was soooo nerve wracking. How many did they get?!

You ready........
31 EGGS!!! Thats right this is the best Easter egg hunt ever if you ask me!! He said that was fabulous! Sarah and I were both in shock and I told Sarah that was the reason I had a hard time walking this past couple of weeks LOL! The doctor explained to us that every day we will be getting a call to tell us the "fertilization report". This is going to tell us how many survive from day to day. Then he assured us that we will be doing a 5 day transfer! So if all goes well we will be having our transfer on June 20th!

We have been at home resting. I took a long nap and now I am just resting. Kinda still in pain but not too bad. My goal is to rest all weekend to get back to normal before the transfer. Ive got five days to get back to semi-normal!

I also wanted to say a thank you to all of our family and friends for being there and praying and sending positive thoughts during this time. We greatly appreciate it and feel so very loved. I would also like to send a thank you to my wonderful wife Sarah. You have been amazing to me taking care of me and loving me. How did I get so lucky?! I love you!

Till next time!

The little ovaries that could!

That title says it all! Yes, my little ovaries have done their job, and we are both very proud of them! We went into our last ultrasound before our egg retrieval and we really didn't know what expect. We were nervous about the growth of our follicles. On Monday, June 11th my follicles were between 11-13 both ovaries and when we went in today all of them were 18mm! Wowzers! They sure did grow! Yep, the little ovaries that could! Our doctor was so proud of how they grew and he said my lining was perfect. More than what they expect. The best news he gave us what the fact that he counted 25 eggs! At our first appointment we were only looking at 20. So an increase in eggs is a huge plus!! He also said there could be more that he cannot see! Only time will tell us how many!

We got our pre-op instructions today and I think its settling in. In about a day we will be walking in bright and early to do our retrieval! I can't believe we are here. At first time was going sooooo slow and now days are going so quickly!

The past couple of days have been rough on me. Moving is a huge task and I am slower than molasses. Bending is out of the question. These follicles sure are getting bigger! So tonight I will most likely be sleeping on our recliner because laying down is just too annoying!

Well until next time!

My birthday wish

Today I woke up right at 6 AM and laid in bed before I bolted off to get ready for our busy morning! I was reflecting on my life. Today is my birthday. I wanted to reminse on all the memories I have from when I was little to now. I feel so blessed to be where I am at in my life. I would not take back anything. I have zero regrets. God has given me a wonderful life and I thank him each and everyday for the life I live. I met the love of my life and we have had the most wonderful eight years of our lives. I have a great job and a wife who is as equally as determined as I am and our most exciting journey yet....our baby making journey. While it has not been the easiest at times I can't imagine any other person to go through the ups and downs with than Sarah. We are nearing the end of our IVF journey and it has been the most amazing experience ever. Sometimes I can't even put into words. After reminising we had to get ready for our 8:45 appointment with our doctor.

We arrived and they took my blood work and soon followed by an another ultrasound. This ultrasound was a tad more painful due to the growth of my eggs in my ovaries. Good news is that they are still growing! On my right ovary all of the follicles are all 13mm and on my left between 11-13mm. So today I start my ganirelix at 3PM. I have to do it at work...yikes! Where is my Sarah? I will either have to get the courage to do it myself or have my boss do it!

I will be on the ganirelix today and tomorrow night with only onre more day of injectables. I go back in on Wednesday and most likely trigger on Wednesday night with a retrieval date of Friday June 15th!!

Yay!!! This process is unfolding quicker and quicker!

Till next time!

P.S. my estradiol came back at 1640! My ovaries are doing what they are supposed to be doing!

Ultrasound update!

Wow what a night/day! Yesterday night I was having the hardest time keeping my nerves calm. I had an excited-nervous feeling. I think the reason I was so nervous was this was our first ultrasound after stimming with meds, and it didn't help that I had an awful dream of only one egg! Well after a night of no sleep it was time to drive to our appointment.

We got to our appointment and right away they brought us back. The nurse said we would do my ultrasound first. We sat there waiting excited and before you knew it the doctor was coming in. He first found my lining and said its "building up" which is great! Then he went to my right ovary and there they were! 11 follicles! All of them were the size of 10mm and then he went to the left ovary and counted 9 follicles and all were the size between 8-10! He told me that my follicles are growing at a uniform rate and this is great. I don't have just one dominant follicle. Best news we heard!

So we go back on Monday which happens to be my birthday for another ultrasound at 8:45 sharp! My follicles should grow 2mm a day so by Monday they should be 14mm. We will most likely start my ganirelix on Monday which will stop me from ovulating early.

So retrieval is looking like the end of this week! Yay!!

Oh and we got my blood tests back from this morning...good results!
-Estradiol was 705! (jumped 700 in a week this is good means my follicles are growing!)
-prolactin (16) needs to be less than 30
-progesterone 0.01 needs to be less than 2
-LH 1.2 needs to be less than 15

Everything is looking great!

Till next time!

Hello nerves...

This week has been quite the week! We have been super busy which is a good thing because my mind has been elsewhere. Monday we started our injections everything has been going great since then no problems! Getting so good at doing these injections we have it under 10 mins from start to finish.

This week I have been feeling so bloated. A bloated feeling like I ate way too much. Was uncomfortable the first couple of days but now I am used to it! I am still tired as ever and guess what started....you guessed right, mood swings! The other day Sarah and I were laughing SO hard because I snapped at something so stupid. We both started laughing. Well that laughing was the best medicine to cure the moodiness! We were crying thats how funny it was! Other than that everything has been going well. I finally started my period yesterday. Which is good. My body is doing what it should be doing. It is sooooo light! I love it! In fact my period is over! Now thats what I call a period!

Tomorrow is second ultrasound after five days of stims. Nervous and excited at the same time. More nervous than anything. We are praying and hoping for the best. We have to just take it one day at a time. I hope we get to see some ovary action!

Keep us in your prayers and thoughts. We need lots of good and positve vibes headed our way!

Video blog 2 PART 2- Please read

Like I said in my original post, blogger would not let me put both videos in one post today. So please keep in mind that this is the second video of two. The first video was posted below. Have a wonderful day!

Video blog 2- PLEASE READ BEFORE!

I don't know if any of you even watch these videos, but I, Sarah, (yes I am finally writing a post) enjoy learning to put them together. When this whole process is long gone, we are going to love having these on DVD to watch years later. Anyways, sorry that this video is a little long ( I believe it is around 16 minutes.) I haven't gotten around to making any videos since our last one. They take a lot of work to put together. So this video has everything that has been going on in our IVF journey the last few weeks. Everything from, one, acupuncture; two, our ultrasound, after ending birth control pills; three, our first day of injections; and, four, sperm pick up/drop off. YouTube only allows videos to be uploaded no longer then ten minutes in length; therefore, I had to split the video into two videos. That is why you will see two here. No need for confusion! If you allow the videos to buffer, watching them is a lot easier. That is all for now!

P.S- Sorry about the minor glitches. I am still getting used to the software. !!!ALSO- For some reason today Blogger would not let me put both videos in one post. The first part is here and then the second half of the video I will post right after here!!!Thanks.

First injections

I was planning on writing a new blog post last night....until I fell asleep! These meds are for sure doing one thing to me and that's making me TIRED! Yesterday morning at work I caught myself shutting my eyes and then catching myself! I got off of work early because we had to go and pick up our specimen from California Cryobank and drop it off at our IVF facility. On the way home Sarah drove and I reclined my seat back and shut my eyes. Before I knew it Sarah was waking me up to let me know we were home! So far no moody mood swings, LOL! I will take the sleepiness over the mood swings.

Yesterday was our first injections! Our alarm went off at 6:30 sharp! We both jumped out of bed with our blood pumping. We were ready to get this show on the road! We decided to let our dog Jake out so he could do his business so we couuld have zero interupptions. It then hit me that in less than an hour we would be doing the injections. My heart started racing and I was getting nervous. I started to clean. Usually when I get nervous I clean. I guess you can't complain there! BAM, 7:00 AM rolls around and we started "prepping" all of our stuff. We washed our hands, disinfected the area we were using, got out supplies out, got the medicine out and before you knew it we were getting ready to start. We went off the instruction sheet we were handed at the injection class and followed each instruction carefully.

We were doing pretty good. We got through all the steps no problem....until the last step. I forgot to pull back the syringe and make sure all the "liquid gold" was released from the top. My nerves got the best of me. Before you knew it we were replacing the long needle with the short needle so we could proceed. We pushed up the medicine so we could see that tiny little drop and we saw more than one! We started to panic! We decided to call the on-call Nurse. Within a couple of minutes we were being transferred to Kathy. She was so nice and calming for 7 in the morning. She advised us to put back the long needle and push the medicine back into the last vile we used. Phew! We were able to dodge that bullet! We did the steps all over again carefully and wholla we had success!

This just meant it was time....time to inject. Im not scared of needles, nor getting my blood drawn, I guess there is just something aboug stabbing yourself with a needle....weird feeling, LOL! I had to have Sarah do it because I was too chicken! She did a great job! She made sure to inject slowly so it wouldn't burn but heck it still burned! This stuff is no joke when it burns! I site felt weird and a tad sore but not too bad. I am not scared of these needles...its the Progesterone shots that are going to kill me LOL!

Tonight is our Acupuncture appointment. I told Sarah my poor belly is sure getting some needle abuse! LOL!

So we have done three shots! Saturday can't come fast enough. We have our first ultrasound after the meds! Crossing our fingers and praying we see some action in this ovaries!

Till next time!

Ultrasound, blood work and injection class

Today we had our first ultrasound/blood work after taking birth control pills. We were both pretty nervous because if we didn't get the go ahead from our ultrasound and blood work today we would have to wait and we just wanted everything to be good. We went in and I got my blood work done which was not bad at all. I don't mind getting my blood work done in fact the nurse was pretty surprised that I was watching her draw my blood. She was scared I was going to faint. After getting my blood drawn I had to empty my bladder and get ready for my ultrasound.

Finally we heard a knock on the door and we were getting our ultrasound done. We were praying for the best and when he located both my ovaries and said my follicles were doing what they were supposed to do I was able to breathe a sign of relief. There was zero cysts and my lining was great. After the doctor left the room we wanted to jump up and down of excitement! Everything was happening like it was supposed to!

The next hour we spent with our in-cycle nurse Jennifer....who is awesome! She is soooo kind and will repeat things as many times as needed! We learned how to do our injections and we both paid attention to every detail and took pictures of the process.

So tomorrow we start our injections bright and early! 7 AM! Hopefully we can sleep, LOL!

Eight years of love

Tomorrow will be our eight year anniversary. Time sure does fly by. As I sit here and write this I can't believe the wonderful time we have spent together. Time I would never want to take back. I can remember the first time we met we started dating immediately. It was really love at first sight. I never knew what it felt to be in love before she was my first true love. She taught me what life was about and how to love unconditionally. We have had the best years of our lives together and now we are starting the journey we have longed for. We knew we always wanted to have a family. It would come at a time when we were ready and I can't think of a better time than now.We have gone through so much together and I don't regret anything in life. Together we are going through this journey and nothing will stop us. Smiling the entire way.

Today, Sarah bought me a bracelet for our IVF journey. She told me she wanted me to wear it each and everyday look at it and read the word "faith". We have to have faith in our God that everything is going to be okay. Everything is in Gods hands.

"Faith makes all things possible....love makings all things easy".