Holy Beezus!

Okay so if someone wants to slap me at any time go right ahead. Not sure if this is all real but its happening!! Somehow everything got pushed up a month. So instead of starting in December we are now starting in November!

*taking a deep breath*

How did this all start, you ask?! Well we decided that due to some conflicts in January/Feb with our schedule I called the doctor and asked if we could move up earlier or possibly start my period earlier. Well after some time I got a call this morning from my lovely nurse Idea and she explained to me that our doctor does not like the idea of starting periods with pills due to lining and ovulation issues...fine with me (at least he is watching out for us). She then said that the doctor looked over everything and sees no problem in starting early. At first I was in shock...

Called my wife and explained the situation. She couldn't believe it either. She kept asking me the same questions over and over which tells me she is taking it all in, lol. So here is the scoop y'all!

*I start my period in about a week or two. I call on the first day of my period. On the second day I go in for some blood testing and then do a lupron test and then come back in 16 hours later for another blood test. After that I sit and wait for the results and in the mean time I start taking good ole' birth control pills (AKA Bitch Possessing Pills)!! I then come in a couple days later after being on BCP's and have a saline sonogram (AKA I need more than over the counter Tylenol and a pole to hold onto for pain). After all that is taken care of and I pass with flying colors I graduate and TADA....we can start stims and it looks like a retireval/transfer by the middle of December! So yes possibly the best Christmas present ever!

*Not going to think about it.....not going to think about it.*

I know everything will go the way it is supposed to go and frankly we are so carefree about this entire IVF #2

Ready to get this train rolling!

My lovely orchid

Everything lately has just been blissful. Life is great...We have a wonderful life together. I simply couldn't imagine my life any other way. Plain and simple. This weekend we spent together going to the pumpkin patch and picking our annual carving pumpkins. We carved our pumpkins late Saturday evening and while they didn't come out as great as we wanted, LOL it was sure fun! This entire weekend brought visions in my head of what our future holds for us. I can't even began to tell you how excited I am to make memories and carving pumpkins with our kids. I know we will be the best parents we can possible be and that for me is priceless.

This afternoon as I was cooking dinner I was worried my lovely wife had gotten stranded or lost (kinda crazy to get lost in our town but possible, LOL). She then calls me and tells me to come outside. My heart fluttered and it reminded me of our first time we saw each other 8 years ago. I felt like a kid ready to jump on her. I went to her car door and she opened it and surprised me with a beautiful orchid flower. I cried like a big baby and gave her a big hug. I immediately brought it inside and made sure it was watered and placed it in our kitchen. I then remembered a Chinese acupuncturist telling me orchids are good for fertility. I think at the time it went through one ear and out the other but it tickled my knowledge. I then proceeded to research the meaning behind the orchid. This is what I found....

"Orchids have long been associated with fertility and virility. If you are trying to have a baby this could be a meaningful gift to your spouse. Or this could be a pretty and meaningful for someone who is trying to have a baby".

At first, I was like really!! I kept asking Sarah what made her buy me the orchid. She just said it looked beautiful like me. She always makes me heart melt, lol. Now every time I go into the kitchen and see this beautiful plant I will think of what lies ahead of us and the meaning behind the flower.

Till next time!

Just Awesome

This totally made me laugh out loud!! I so needed that laugh. I really feel like ever since we have been TTC everyone has been popping over pregnant....while we sit here and wait for our chance. I have no doubt in my mind that it will happen it the dreaded waiting part sucks. Everyone around me keeps talking about this upcoming IVF cycle. Frankly, I have really stepped out of the TTC box and have forgotten that in a matter of months we will be thrown at this full speed. Maybe, im trying to hide my emotions or maybe not think to much about it.

My boss the other day asked me how long I plan on being on maternity leave...I think shes freaking out. I simply stated that I need to get pregnant first then we can talk about maternity leave, lol. Everyone keeps telling me that they can feel it this time. She even said she didn't feel good about the first one. Ugh, I wish someone would have stopped us before we wasted our time and efforts. Oh well. no pity party over here, and then yesterday my very close co-worker Kathy told me she was going to throw us a baby shower. She explained that she cannot wait to spoil our children. I do know for a fact that our baby(s) will be showered in love and I frankly have no doubt in my mind that everything will work the way it is supposed to...again its just the waiting part that sucks.

The other day my coworker and I went to lunch. We ordered and sat down. I couldn't help but notice every baby or child in the place. Was it really that noticeable?! Yeah. Kathy even pointed it out that she notices when I see a child...she simply said I smile and then shrug. I love seeing children and frankly they are all around us. I love seeing babies wrapped in their blankets and looking so snugly and comfy. They are so precious. I can't wait to do all the things both Sarah and I have talked about for years. All the traditions we want to start. Our special memories. Our family.

My period should be coming soon and this only means I start getting ready for my wonderful saline ultrasound. I will this time not take the advice of Tylenol a couple hours before...maybe something stronger, LOL! This is my favorite time of year, honestly and I love that we are doing our IVF during this time!!

Till next time!

Wiping the slate clean

Today was our very first appointment with our new IVF doctor. I was super nervous this morning I guess you could say that these past two years has traumatized us to say the least. We drove the hour ride to the new doctor and walked right in. We were so excited to finally be there. We were greeted by everyone. I have been talking back and forth with this new clinic we were both so happy to finally put voices to the faces. Within five minutes the front staff was coming up to us and hand shaking us and one that I have been coordinating with in particular came to the waiting room and hugged both Sarah and I. I started crying. I couldn't help it! I was just so happy to be there and thankful for all the help she had helped us with. We waited another five minutes and then we were greeted by the doctor himself! Right then and there we were blown away! He took us to the back and sat in an office. We were with him for literally an hour just talking about everything. 

Pretty much we got taken advantage of at the other facility. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. Where do I even start?! 

~For my age I was overstimulated. Which caused me to have an abundance of eggs but low quality. This time we are going to try and get better eggs without the high amount of drugs. 

~Given the data from my previous IVF I should have been a day 3 transfer and not a day 5. My embryos wanted to be inside of me not in lab environment this was due to not doing the IVF cycle right.

~We don't even know if ICSI was actually performed. No where on my paperwork did it state ICSI was performed. Our new doc has worked with others who come from this facility and he has seen way more documentation than what he saw with us....so who knows if ICSI was even ever done. Waste of money...

~I was on a Lupron trigger and because of this you are supposed to be on an appropriate hormone therapy afterwards due to the dive your hormones take after the Lupron trigger. I didn't start my hormone therapy until after 5 days. Five days too late.

~The facility has new equipment and not computers from the stone ages. 

~Our new doctor actually spent time with us. Time to talk to us, time talk go over everything. He cares and is passionate about what he does. 

So where do we go from here?!

The next period I have in late Oct/Early Nov we will have a sonohysterogram and then a reproductive hormone assay test which includes a Lupron test to see how I will respond. After I get the results and everything looks good then we are cleared to start on my next period. 

SO.....It looks like we should be starting in the middle of December with a transfer and retrieval by Jan!! Yes it seems like its months away but we are going to be doing lots of IVF stuff from here on out and guess what....time goes by fast!

After our appointment we drove back home and we both held hands so tight and cried, we let it all out. All the anger and pent up emotions we have been holding on for the past couple of months. We can't keep going back to the past as much as we want to but look towards the future. We are learning to let go little by little. No one ever said this journey was easy.

I do know one thing, while I do have regrets decisions at the same time I don't because we have learned so much about ourselves. We have grown together and learned we can battle anything life throws at us. 

Thank you all for being there for us! It has been so nice to meet such great people along this journey as well!

My heart is beating fast, and my hands feel like clams

I can't even began to tell you the emotions I am feeling at the moment. I told myself I wasn't going to act any different this time around. I wanted to go into this next IVF like it was nothing....just another appointment, but now the past couple of days my body has been feeling an extent of emotions! I have been feeling.....excited, happy, nervous, scared, blessed and lucky. This is the same feeling I felt when I had a big school presentation. I feel like I am going to give a big speech in front thousands of people. My heart is racing, so fast. "Breathe Lexi, breathe". I am ready to get this going, I am ready to be parents. I know it will all pan out the way we want it, its the waiting part that's killer.

This afternoon I went to lunch with a co-worker and we were talking about all of our fertility stuff and she started asking me about everything and telling me her husband keeps putting off having kids. She kept telling me they want to make sure they have enough money...blah, blah blah. I simply told her to take it from me you are never, EVER ready to have a child. Having a child is a life lesson that you won't have any idea what it entails until you dive in head first. You are never prepared, plain and simple. I let her know many think its easy and while many get pregnant at the snap of a finger others don't. Sitting here at two years we are getting geared up for our next step of our crazy journey. I guess we all are naive at some point in this journey, I know for sure we were. 

Only three more days!