Just call me a pin cushion!

Today as we were driving to another doctors appt Sarah was mentioning the fact that she could never do those injections and she is really proud of me. It meant a lot to me to hear that from her. I guess that convo really jinxed me because the nurse couldn't get any blood from my vein! She said wow this vein must be tired and worn out. Well those couple seconds of her wiggling back and forth was about as torturous as ever!! She then stuck me again in my other vein. Sarah had to turn away she said it looked to painful. Believe me it wasn't my cup of tea. She then explained to me after going through IVF you began to realize just how strong you are as a person. Made me realize that is so true for anyone going through any fertility treatment. We have a lot of courage and strength! So never put yourself down!

Blood work came back and my estrogen was at 2059! And progesterone was at .5. So again no FSH tonight only menopur. I go in again tomorrow morning for more blood work and then most likely we find out when our retrieval is set. Looking more and more like Wednesday!

Playing catch up!

I know its been awhile since I last blogged. Believe me I wanted to blog earlier but apart of me just wanted to put all this IVF stuff away. It has been so nice this time around to not think about it over and over, worry or get nervous. Time has just flown right past us! Can't even began to tell you how excited we are starting to feel!

Let me catch everyone up to speed!

I started my bleed on November 29th and had it for about four days. I then started stims on Saturday December 1st! This time around we are using Follistim, I have to say at first I was a tad nervous because I was used to mixing vials in our previous IVF but I have to say I love it!! So easy! I have continued to do my own injections and I have my injections under three minutes from start to finish! Stims have been going great and around Tuesday morning I started feeling a tad bloated. Nothing big, but bloated nonetheless. On Tuesday I had my blood work done and I got a phone call telling me my estrogen was 248! They advised me to lower my dose and my next appt would be on Thursday morning. Well Thursday rolled around and we made the hour drive for our blood work and ultrasound. We were super excited because this was going to be the first ultrasound since starting our stims. Blood work came back at 711 and my ultrasound was great. Follicles were mostly between 13-15. We were then advised to lower again and come back on Saturday morning.

We woke up bright and early and got there just in time and had my blood work taken again and another ultrasound. Blood work came back at 1632! Follicles sizes were between 15-18 with a few smaller ones around 13mm. So basically he wants me on two more days of stims. He then called me this afternoon and me that he wants me on zero FSH tonight and only Menopur. I then have to go back again tomorrow morning!

Feels SO good to finally be with a doctor who knows what they are doing. At the old facility I was on the same dose the entire stim cycle. I still can't understand it. I just cant! I feel even more stupid for not understanding more about IVF. Oh well, things happen for a reason. I will maybe understand at one point. I guess right now I am a tad bitter. I feel better that we are in better hands.

We go back in tomorrow for more blood work and then we should find out when for sure we go in for another ultrasound appt. He did give us a 80% chance of retrieval on Wednesday, December 13th!

Okay, I promise to update more!

Call me cranky pants!

Today has been a crazy day! I couldn't sleep all night long...not sure if it was due to my four nap the day before or the fact that I was worrying about my period starting again.

Woke up countless times to pee and to my eyes nothing, nada! Come on, aunt flow, just come! Ok so after a morning of being cranky I went to the bathroom and to my surprise I found I had started!!!! I literally went back to my office grabbed a handy, dandy tampon and literally jumped for joy to the bathroom. Yes, I was so happy to be carrying a tampon!

Immediately called my clinic and my nurse was happy to hear I had started and re-read my medication instructions.

So Saturday is the BIG stimulation injection day! So excited to get going. This only means our retrieval is looming.

Please pray and send your good vibes towards us. Thank you for a the support!!

Baseline Appointment

Today was my baseline ultrasound. Was feeling pretty nervous about the whole thing. When he performed my ultrasound he said everything looks like its supposed to look and when he counted how many resting follicles we had I about had a heart attack.....

her counted 20 on one side and 15 on the other.....yikes! The goal this time is to not stim me so fast like last time which caused a lot of immature eggs. So we start injections on Saturday! Was supposed to be Friday but was bumped due to scheduling.

In the mean time I am waiting for my bleed to start! Come on bleed!! Help me cheer on my little ovaries to shed their lining!!

Short post I know...not feeling to bloggy today. LOL

Today I am thankful

Thanksgiving and Christmas are my favorite all time holidays. It brings family together, creates new memories and shows all the love between us all. This morning we went to pick up my mom and her fiance at the airport and quickly made it back home and started the cooking feast. My mom had decided before they came that they would be cooking the dinner. She didn't want me to stress or worry about cooking all day long and it was nice for once to not be running around like a crazy chicken worrying about this and that. I even took a nap and rested!

Sitting at the table as everyone ate their yummy food I started thinking about what I am thankful for.....

I am thankful for....

~the life that God has given me and blessed me with

~that I have good health and health insurance

~a house with walls and a roof over my head

~reliable cars that run and work everyday

~the ability to see, smell and watch the beautiful things this world has to offer

~the ability to afford living in California

~a wonderful job that I love

~friends that I can lean on

~family that will always have your back

~education

~being able to take a hand at fertility treatments

~I have overcome my fear of self injections

~the three most awesome pets ever

~blog friends

~the ability to love

~being married to the love of my life, my best friend Sarah

and today besides all that I am even more thankful that today is my last day of birth control pills!!! 

So flippin happy and relieved that this is the last pill, and hopefully the last birth control pill I will have to take for a long, long time!!

I am super excited for our IVF to start now. This just means that right around the corner is our base line ultrasound and the start of STIMS this upcoming week!!

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!! Filled with lots of love and laughter!!

Happy Thanksgiving from our home to yours!

You know you are doing TTC when......

Someone asks you what day it is and you respond with Cycle day 19!! This happened to me today at my acupuncture appointment. The receptionist was asking her co-worker what the day was so she could write out my receipt and smart one over here just answered what cycle day I was instead of the actual day. Wow! Talk about the meds talking......I do have to blame it on something, right?!

So these past couple of days have been filled with shots and more shots. Lupron is going just fine no side effects whatsoever and the birth control pills are finally just getting along with my body thank goodness.

The best news I have to report is that I finally, finally got the courage to do my own injection!!!!! YES YOU READ RIGHT, I DID MY OWN INJECTION!!! Not just once but twice! Psh I SO have this in the palm of my hands. I am so not afraid of you tiny needle!

In other news Thanksgiving is almost here, sad that the holiday just zip by us at the snap of a finger. We have family coming so it will be super busy and this whole IVF will not even be on my mind.

Happy Thanksgiving all!!

I leave you with a proud pic of me holding my injection ready to go!

Anyone home?

Yikes, I really need to be better about writing in this blog! I guess you can say things have been busy or I have just been lazy, either way this whole IVF thing is moving rather quickly.

Let me recap what has been going on.....

Well on Tuesday I got a call from our clinic and my nurse wanted to sit down and chat with me about my calendar! I got so flippin excited that I ran into my office and shut the door slammed and listened to her. Within ten minutes I could finally get a grip on the next four weeks and boy was I happy to finally have the blue prints we have waited for!

So here is the the "estimated schedule"

• Continue on Birth Control pills until Thanksgiving day (What a great day to end these horrible pills by celebrating with a nice feast....LOL)
• On Friday, November 16th I start Lupron injections both morning and evening
• On Wednesday, November 28th I have my baseline ultrasound to go over stimulation medication, etc.
• Friday, November 30th the big day----->Start of stimulation medications! 
• Week of December 3rd (Monitoring appointments)
• Friday, December 7th (Start antibiotics)
• Week of December 10th (estimated retrieval/transfer) Yikes!

Like I said, all this is happening so quickly and the best part of it all is Thanksgiving is around the corner and we have family coming in and joining us so our minds will be free from all the "IVF" stuff. Its honestly been great not thinking about it all.

Tonight started I started my acupuncture appointments. I transferred to a new place, still trying to feel the vibe from it all. They come highly recommended. I will be having weekly treatments then move to twice a week once we get into stims. 

A BIG plus that we found out is that our insurance covered Lupron. I know, I know its just Lupron but I would way rather pay 10.00 than the 200.00 they quoted!

We are all set with our meds and ready to get this going! I leave you with a picture of my meds....some of them, LOL!

 

Some major R&R and IVF updates!

I am finally getting some time to just sit down with my laptop, warm fuzzy socks, and write in our blog. Time just seems to fly by! Where do I even start? LOL

IVF update:

On Wednesday afternoon I decided to call my IVF clinic and schedule my saline sonogram. I know they were going to call me and schedule it but next week is extremely busy with work and fundraisers I just couldn't chance not being able to make my appt. They called me back that afternoon and told me to come in on Thursday afternoon. We both were able to make the appointment and when we arrived I got that same nervous feeling I got the my past HSG sonogram. When the nurse took me back she assured me it would not be as bad as the HSG. As I laid there ready to make sure there were no fibroids or polyps I clenched my wrists. I kept telling myself "your being a big baby" and before I knew it everything was almost done and I was able to see the saline go through my uterus. It looked like a balloon being inflated, very cool. It was a huge sigh of relief to hear the nurse tell me everything look perfect.

*huge sigh of relief*

We were able to get over that hurdle and now onto the next steps of our second IVF journey. We have not yet received our calendar but we should be getting in within the next couple of days. Interesting enough I am not anxious at all about it. It will be very exciting to finally have the blue prints in my hands. Today marks a week of birth control pills! Which only means 14 more days! Where is time going?!

R&R update:

This Thursday I came into work like any other normal day and I sat at my desk to find an envelope with my name on it. I immediately opened it and soon found the best gift given to both Sarah and I. My co-worker decided it was crucial that both Sarah and I just have some major R&R. I was shocked beyond words. I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing. In the card there were instructions to a fun filled spa day which included Starbucks, pedicures, lunch, two hour European facials, haircuts, and a movie. We started our day at 10 AM sharp with our Starbucks in hand. No worries ladies I don't drink coffee so hot chocolate it was! After an amazing 12 hours of pure bliss we are now at home snuggled up lucky to have such amazing people in our lives. We have so much support in our life and we feel so blessed. Life is good <3

Gift from my co-worker :)

Trashy Magazines <3

<3

All aboard the crazy IVF train!!

Get on because this train is moving fast!

I feel like I slept for the past two weeks and now all of a sudden were well on our way to IVF #2!

If you recall from my previous post I shared that I had started my period 4 days earlier than expected and was expected to go into the clinic and do some blood work.

Well....here is a recap

I called and notified about my period starting. They then told me to come in the following day have have my normal reproductive hormone tests. Blood was drawn and I was told to do a Lupron injection at exactly 5:30 PM and come back in at 9:30 for some more blood work. We woke up bright and early to make the 50 min drive to our clinic. (Seems far but we live in the bay area so its not that bad) I went in and handed them my arm for some blood sucking times. 

The nurse informed me that depending on the results they would tell me whether or not I would be starting birth control pills. I honestly felt a knot in my stomach. I prayed and hoped that everything would come out fine. We then made the 50 min drive back home pondering on the idea of "what if". I decided that we were not going to ponder no more. Whatever it was meant to be would be!

We were running errands when we received the call from our nurse and she asked if we had a couple of minutes. 

Suddenly I felt a huge knot in my stomach. I put the phone on speaker so we could both hear and she continued on with my results.

Day 1 blood draw:

FSH: 4.2

Estrogen: 35

Day 2 blood draw after Lupron injection:

Estrogen:165

She said they were great results all all were way normal!! So the doctor gave me the clear to start!!! We officially start!!! I have been instructed to start taking birth control pills tomorrow evening. Yikes!!!

This train sure is rolling along!!

SO excited, and ready <3

Liebster Blog Award

Wow! I am very honored to be receiving my very first blog award!! I recieved this award nomination from "J" at Bake one buy one thank you so much! 

The Liebster Blog Award is given to bloggers by bloggers. It is a way to acknowledge each other and say "you're doing a great job". It is for blogs with 200 or less followers, so it's also a great way to spread the word about smaller blogs and get them more readers and followers!

So what do I do from here?! I now share the love to other bloggers and I also answer some fun questions from the person who nominated me. I then nominate 10 other bloggers and give them questions to answer! 

And here are my questions from J:

1. What is your least favorite chore? Easy....Laundry! I hate it with a passion! Once a week I force myself to do the dreaded laundry. I would rather clean bathrooms than sort, fold and put away laundry!

2. What is your favorite book? Dr. Seuss "Oh the places you'll go!" All time favorite book. "Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great Places. You're off and away!" Ir reminds me that no matter the journey we will overcome that mountain!

3. If you could wake up tomorrow and magically be successful at a new career, what would it be? Nursing. I have always wanted to be a Nurse ever since I can remember. Helping people has always been a priority and my life long dream is to become a Nurse. I know I will accomplish it!

4. If you had to live in a US state other than the one you live now (or other than the country you live in now), which would it be and why? Honestly, I would continue to live in the beautiful state of California. I love the diversity that is around me and how easy travel is at my fingertips. I can visit the beach, lake, or city in a matter of hours. LOVE!

5. What are the name(s) of your childhood pets (if you didn't have any, what about your favorite doll or toy)? Maggie was the name of my childhood toy bear that I slept with every single night. In fact I still have it and I do admit that I sleep with it at times. So comforting.

6. If vacationing on the moon became a thing, would you want to go? (why or why not) Yes. I would go in a heartbeat. I imagine both Sarah and I laying on the moon and the glow going straight through our bodies. What a beautiful image.

7. If you had to pick one food/drink item that you loved, to give up for a year, which would it be (eg, ice cream, coffee, alcohol, pizza)? Diet Soda. I LOVE, love, love diet soda. It honestly tastes so good and makes food taste even better (at least to me it does, lol) I have given it up since we started the whole IVF thing again but if I had to I would give that up for a year.

8. What is one of your favorite holiday traditions? Christmas music and tree decorating. Ever since I was little the weekend after Thanksgiving we decorated the Christmas Tree. We had Christmas music playing and boxes of decorations everywhere. We would spend hours dancing, and singing along to classic songs all while decorating the tree. At the end of the night we would sit down with a fire and sip hot chocolate looking at all of the beautiful lights. To this day we continue that tradition. A tradition I cannot wait to pass on. 

9. What is one thing little kid you always wanted for your birthday (or other holiday) that you never got? HA...a pony. I can't think of one person that didn't want a pony! I wanted one so bad and I remember all I got was a rented pony for a couple of hours!

10. Horror movie, comedy, or drama? Def. comedy. I hate being scared crapless and drama well we have enough of that in our daily life. I love to just sit back laugh and be a little carefree even if its only a couple of hours!

11. Beach, mountains, or amusement park? Amusement park. Disneyland or DisneyWorld. There is just something about being at an amusement park that just makes me happy. I love seeing all the people so happy and having so much fun. I also love having the time of my life and not having a care in the world while having this fun!

Now onto my Liebster Blog Award nominations!!

1. Erinvns- Erin is such a strong individual. Her strength and compassion to keep on going gives me such hope and faith.

2. Trying to concieve in a foreign country- Ryann is an amazing individual. She has been that amazing shoulder to lean on at times of difficulty  I have seen her go through upset and now happiness carrying a baby girl to soon come in 2013!

3. IVF over 40- J & M! What can I say they are pretty much awesome! They have been there for us in ways I can't even began to describe to you! I can't even tell you how much of a big heart they have! After many IVF attempts they are now expecting their bundle of joy!!

4. Jamie & Courtney- These two are the cutest couple ever! They have so much spunk and love its contagious!

5. Little one still 2 come-They are getting ready for an FET!

6. Baby Lopez 8410-Two amazing women getting ready for their bundle of joy!

7. Non fat caramel lesbian does baby making-a funny and awesome couple!

8. La mamma v-a loving and great family!

9. Amanda Raye 210- a wonderful couple on the ropes of TTC!

10. Mina in NYC- A wonderful mother to Dylan!

Now here are my questions to all the new Liebster blogger nominees! 

1. What is your favorite season and why?

2. What is something you cant live without?

3. If you could vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

4. If given the ability to change one thing in this world what would you choose?

5. Do you have any regrets in life?

6. Why did you start blogging?

7. What is your best trait?

8. What is your worst trait?

9. What is your best childhood memory?

10. Who are 3 people you would love to have dinner with (living or dead)?

11. Who is someone you miss?

Now its your turn new Liebster Blog Award winners, pass the love onto others!!

A little bit of Halloween & updates

Have I mentioned how much I love this time of year?! It gets my heart racing with excitement just thinking about it!

Halloween was super fun! I love the holidays, always have. I honestly can't wait to have kids to start new memories and traditions. Every year we sit outside and pass out candy to all the cute trick-or-treaters. Sarah usually dresses up in some crazy outfit and give the kids a scare. They get a hoot out of her outfit because no one ever thinks she is real! It made my heart warm and fuzzy watching all the little kids have fun and laugh. So carefree!

In other baby-making news. Remember when I said we moved everything up a month?! Well I was waiting for my period on November 5th (according to my handy dandy iphone period tracker app) well long and behold my period started today bright-eyed and ready to rumble! I immediately called the clinic and informed them that i was for sure full flow. Within the next five minutes I made an appointment for tommorow November 2nd at 10AM for some blood work! Part 1 of 2. I have to do a reprodutive hormone assay test. Your regular FSH and LH test then they give me some injections and 16 hours later I come in for another lovely blood test and from there on they can see just how well my ovaries react to all the meds.

Better have a pep talk with them tonight reminding them to be good little girls and do what mommy tells them to do! They need to rise and shine from the long nap they have been taking and get the show on the road!

After the two part blood test I then start up birth control pills (AKA I am going to snap at someone) and then come back after 7 days of being on them and have my saline sonogram (YAY! <----sarcastic). Thankfully sarah will be with me, hopefully so I can cry to her when the songram hurts!

After all that if we are clear to go then BAM, BAM were off! Looks like a retrieval/transfer before Christmas!

What a Christmas gift!!

I leave you with some pictures of our Halloween night <3

Love of my life <3

Yum! Spider web cupcakes!

Our little pumpkin tired from all the trick-or-treaters. Taking in the heat from the fireplace! LOL

Holy Beezus!

Okay so if someone wants to slap me at any time go right ahead. Not sure if this is all real but its happening!! Somehow everything got pushed up a month. So instead of starting in December we are now starting in November!

*taking a deep breath*

How did this all start, you ask?! Well we decided that due to some conflicts in January/Feb with our schedule I called the doctor and asked if we could move up earlier or possibly start my period earlier. Well after some time I got a call this morning from my lovely nurse Idea and she explained to me that our doctor does not like the idea of starting periods with pills due to lining and ovulation issues...fine with me (at least he is watching out for us). She then said that the doctor looked over everything and sees no problem in starting early. At first I was in shock...

Called my wife and explained the situation. She couldn't believe it either. She kept asking me the same questions over and over which tells me she is taking it all in, lol. So here is the scoop y'all!

*I start my period in about a week or two. I call on the first day of my period. On the second day I go in for some blood testing and then do a lupron test and then come back in 16 hours later for another blood test. After that I sit and wait for the results and in the mean time I start taking good ole' birth control pills (AKA Bitch Possessing Pills)!! I then come in a couple days later after being on BCP's and have a saline sonogram (AKA I need more than over the counter Tylenol and a pole to hold onto for pain). After all that is taken care of and I pass with flying colors I graduate and TADA....we can start stims and it looks like a retireval/transfer by the middle of December! So yes possibly the best Christmas present ever!

*Not going to think about it.....not going to think about it.*

I know everything will go the way it is supposed to go and frankly we are so carefree about this entire IVF #2

Ready to get this train rolling!

My lovely orchid

Everything lately has just been blissful. Life is great...We have a wonderful life together. I simply couldn't imagine my life any other way. Plain and simple. This weekend we spent together going to the pumpkin patch and picking our annual carving pumpkins. We carved our pumpkins late Saturday evening and while they didn't come out as great as we wanted, LOL it was sure fun! This entire weekend brought visions in my head of what our future holds for us. I can't even began to tell you how excited I am to make memories and carving pumpkins with our kids. I know we will be the best parents we can possible be and that for me is priceless.

This afternoon as I was cooking dinner I was worried my lovely wife had gotten stranded or lost (kinda crazy to get lost in our town but possible, LOL). She then calls me and tells me to come outside. My heart fluttered and it reminded me of our first time we saw each other 8 years ago. I felt like a kid ready to jump on her. I went to her car door and she opened it and surprised me with a beautiful orchid flower. I cried like a big baby and gave her a big hug. I immediately brought it inside and made sure it was watered and placed it in our kitchen. I then remembered a Chinese acupuncturist telling me orchids are good for fertility. I think at the time it went through one ear and out the other but it tickled my knowledge. I then proceeded to research the meaning behind the orchid. This is what I found....

"Orchids have long been associated with fertility and virility. If you are trying to have a baby this could be a meaningful gift to your spouse. Or this could be a pretty and meaningful for someone who is trying to have a baby".

At first, I was like really!! I kept asking Sarah what made her buy me the orchid. She just said it looked beautiful like me. She always makes me heart melt, lol. Now every time I go into the kitchen and see this beautiful plant I will think of what lies ahead of us and the meaning behind the flower.

Till next time!

Just Awesome

This totally made me laugh out loud!! I so needed that laugh. I really feel like ever since we have been TTC everyone has been popping over pregnant....while we sit here and wait for our chance. I have no doubt in my mind that it will happen it the dreaded waiting part sucks. Everyone around me keeps talking about this upcoming IVF cycle. Frankly, I have really stepped out of the TTC box and have forgotten that in a matter of months we will be thrown at this full speed. Maybe, im trying to hide my emotions or maybe not think to much about it.

My boss the other day asked me how long I plan on being on maternity leave...I think shes freaking out. I simply stated that I need to get pregnant first then we can talk about maternity leave, lol. Everyone keeps telling me that they can feel it this time. She even said she didn't feel good about the first one. Ugh, I wish someone would have stopped us before we wasted our time and efforts. Oh well. no pity party over here, and then yesterday my very close co-worker Kathy told me she was going to throw us a baby shower. She explained that she cannot wait to spoil our children. I do know for a fact that our baby(s) will be showered in love and I frankly have no doubt in my mind that everything will work the way it is supposed to...again its just the waiting part that sucks.

The other day my coworker and I went to lunch. We ordered and sat down. I couldn't help but notice every baby or child in the place. Was it really that noticeable?! Yeah. Kathy even pointed it out that she notices when I see a child...she simply said I smile and then shrug. I love seeing children and frankly they are all around us. I love seeing babies wrapped in their blankets and looking so snugly and comfy. They are so precious. I can't wait to do all the things both Sarah and I have talked about for years. All the traditions we want to start. Our special memories. Our family.

My period should be coming soon and this only means I start getting ready for my wonderful saline ultrasound. I will this time not take the advice of Tylenol a couple hours before...maybe something stronger, LOL! This is my favorite time of year, honestly and I love that we are doing our IVF during this time!!

Till next time!

Wiping the slate clean

Today was our very first appointment with our new IVF doctor. I was super nervous this morning I guess you could say that these past two years has traumatized us to say the least. We drove the hour ride to the new doctor and walked right in. We were so excited to finally be there. We were greeted by everyone. I have been talking back and forth with this new clinic we were both so happy to finally put voices to the faces. Within five minutes the front staff was coming up to us and hand shaking us and one that I have been coordinating with in particular came to the waiting room and hugged both Sarah and I. I started crying. I couldn't help it! I was just so happy to be there and thankful for all the help she had helped us with. We waited another five minutes and then we were greeted by the doctor himself! Right then and there we were blown away! He took us to the back and sat in an office. We were with him for literally an hour just talking about everything. 

Pretty much we got taken advantage of at the other facility. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. Where do I even start?! 

~For my age I was overstimulated. Which caused me to have an abundance of eggs but low quality. This time we are going to try and get better eggs without the high amount of drugs. 

~Given the data from my previous IVF I should have been a day 3 transfer and not a day 5. My embryos wanted to be inside of me not in lab environment this was due to not doing the IVF cycle right.

~We don't even know if ICSI was actually performed. No where on my paperwork did it state ICSI was performed. Our new doc has worked with others who come from this facility and he has seen way more documentation than what he saw with us....so who knows if ICSI was even ever done. Waste of money...

~I was on a Lupron trigger and because of this you are supposed to be on an appropriate hormone therapy afterwards due to the dive your hormones take after the Lupron trigger. I didn't start my hormone therapy until after 5 days. Five days too late.

~The facility has new equipment and not computers from the stone ages. 

~Our new doctor actually spent time with us. Time to talk to us, time talk go over everything. He cares and is passionate about what he does. 

So where do we go from here?!

The next period I have in late Oct/Early Nov we will have a sonohysterogram and then a reproductive hormone assay test which includes a Lupron test to see how I will respond. After I get the results and everything looks good then we are cleared to start on my next period. 

SO.....It looks like we should be starting in the middle of December with a transfer and retrieval by Jan!! Yes it seems like its months away but we are going to be doing lots of IVF stuff from here on out and guess what....time goes by fast!

After our appointment we drove back home and we both held hands so tight and cried, we let it all out. All the anger and pent up emotions we have been holding on for the past couple of months. We can't keep going back to the past as much as we want to but look towards the future. We are learning to let go little by little. No one ever said this journey was easy.

I do know one thing, while I do have regrets decisions at the same time I don't because we have learned so much about ourselves. We have grown together and learned we can battle anything life throws at us. 

Thank you all for being there for us! It has been so nice to meet such great people along this journey as well!

My heart is beating fast, and my hands feel like clams

I can't even began to tell you the emotions I am feeling at the moment. I told myself I wasn't going to act any different this time around. I wanted to go into this next IVF like it was nothing....just another appointment, but now the past couple of days my body has been feeling an extent of emotions! I have been feeling.....excited, happy, nervous, scared, blessed and lucky. This is the same feeling I felt when I had a big school presentation. I feel like I am going to give a big speech in front thousands of people. My heart is racing, so fast. "Breathe Lexi, breathe". I am ready to get this going, I am ready to be parents. I know it will all pan out the way we want it, its the waiting part that's killer.

This afternoon I went to lunch with a co-worker and we were talking about all of our fertility stuff and she started asking me about everything and telling me her husband keeps putting off having kids. She kept telling me they want to make sure they have enough money...blah, blah blah. I simply told her to take it from me you are never, EVER ready to have a child. Having a child is a life lesson that you won't have any idea what it entails until you dive in head first. You are never prepared, plain and simple. I let her know many think its easy and while many get pregnant at the snap of a finger others don't. Sitting here at two years we are getting geared up for our next step of our crazy journey. I guess we all are naive at some point in this journey, I know for sure we were. 

Only three more days!

Say it isn't so????

This morning my lovely wife received this wonderful text from me....

Yep, your reading that correctly! I started my period!!! YAY!!! 

I was so excited that I literally jumped up and down in the bathroom!! Thank goodness I was the only one in the bathroom because I would have been rather embarrassed. Best thing about it all was that I didn't have to do any crazy silly thing like massage my stomach or drink kale to start my period. It just came! Maybe I dreamed about it last night, lol!

I wonder....is it possible?

Remember when Charlie Brown was sitting in his class…looking at the clock, waiting for the bell. Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah… Well I feel exactly how Charlie Brown felt waiting for the bell to ring as I wait for my period to start.

I remember the discussion the nurse made sure she had with me was that my period would not be the same after an IVF cycle. At the time I didn't care, I mean what do we care about other than getting pregnant. I remember having to sign a waiver that there was a possibility of developing cancer because of the IVF meds. I signed that waiver like it was nothing. I thought as I signed it "yes, I would get cancer if that meant we had kids". I would do virtually anything to have our family. Well as soon as our failed IVF cycle ended I got my period within two weeks. BAM it was like a hurricane, it was heavy and so uncomfortable. I was happy nonetheless. Then August rolled around and BAM I got another period heavy but not so miserable. Well, here we are in September and nothing, nada, zilch. I remember being a kid and wishing I didn't have a period...I mean who didnt?! Now I am praying to get my period!!

Now I am nervous...why hasn't my period started. Is there anything to make it start faster?

Trust me I did the research....and it gave me options such as drinking lots of water, drinking lots of kale, massaging my stomach, jumping up and down and much more. Okay, call me crazy but I want this to get going....so yes I will be trying more of these as soon as I get home. I have never, ever, ever skipped a period in my entire life, ever. So this for me is a shock....even though I was warned....yeah, yeah.

I keep feeling cramps....maybe they are real or maybe they are fake played by my evil mind.

Well I got to get back to work!

Greetings from worry girl who hasn't started her dang period!

Life is great!

We have sure been keeping busy within our household. We have not even thought about anything IVF. I lost track of how many days we had until our first IVF appointment with our new clinic. I want to make sure this time around we don't wrap ourselves around IVF like its our entire life. I want to be able to live our life and be normal. Im scared crap less though because I feel as soon as we start to wet our feet in the process I won't be able to not think about it. I pray for peace through this next cycle. 

Today we got another call from our facility making sure we were set for October 4th. They have such a LONG waiting list that they call everyone over and over to make sure no one cancels and if someone does they can replace that appointment with another client. I totally think this is fantastic that they do this! I replied with a "heck yes" we are ready!! Which then reminded me to take out my calendar and look at October 4th. I counted the days....15 days! Yikes!! Time sure is flying by!

Last weekend we decided to get out and go to the city for some fun! We live so close to San Francisco and have meaning to visit the California Academy of Science. It was a blast to say the least!! It brought back a part of us I haven't seen in some time...our care free selves. 

 

Life is good! I couldn't and wouldn't ask for any other life to live, honestly. No matter what trials and tribulations we are given we are facing them together and that is the best thing I could ever ask for. Bring it world!! Were ready or the fight and the journey!!

P.S. 

I never thought I would want and pray for my period to start, LOL!

Baby Shower

Awhile back we had been invited to one of Sarah's old time friends baby shower. At first, I was super excited I had imagined myself pregnant at the baby shower after all we had been invited before we had even started our IVF treatment. I had forgotten about the baby shower until a couple of weeks later when I was going through my "junk drawer" (because we all know everyone has one) and noticed the invitation. It was soooo cute laced in pink my heart sank. It brought back memories of how we were not pregnant yet. I know its been more than two months since our failed IVF cycle but it still sometimes seems so fresh in my brain, so fresh in our brains.

We RSVP and before you knew it we were shopping for a baby gift at Babies "R" Us. The last time we had stepped foot in that store was when we had first started our TTC journey. We wanted to go and look at all the baby stuff, not knowing anything we would soon face. Not knowing that in fact the TTC is not as easy as we thought it would be. I entered the store and all at once I felt excitement, joy, happiness, sadness and loneliness. I wanted to buy everything in sight, I pictured us registering for our showers and what crib we would pick. We both stood between the strollers and car seats and hugged each other. We didn't even have to speak to each other we knew exactly what was being thought. We know our time will come and when that time comes that baby or babies will be the best thing to ever happen to us, our blessings.

The baby shower was beautiful filled great food and fun games and beautiful decorations!! There were so many personal touches it was just beautiful and the creative me just loves that about a party!

The basket I made was a hit along with the swing we purchased. I love parties and I love wrapping gifts. Call me crazy but I guess it's a stress reliever for me. Sarah laughs but shes grateful she doesn't have to worry about it, lol!

 

The games were awesome! I love baby shower games they are always so much fun. We both know that we are both very competitive people so I told Sarah that I will win a prize! I just have to, LOL!

Well.....

I won! LOL! 

And the prize you ask?!

OK, so I was SUPER excited to have won this gift!! Reason being was that is a microwaveable heating pad. Not only is it super cute, but its a heating pad! I remember that after my egg retrieval I was in lots of pain and I complained because I didn't have a heating pad. Well guess what!? I got one now!! Is this a sign or what?!

On top of this being a sign, a wonderful lady came up to us and started talking about how she has abilities to see the future. She commented on the fact that we are TTC and that we are going to have a boy. I have a hard time believing people like this but I know Sarah does. I was just happy that she sees a baby in the future.

Well were off to bed!

My inner kid

I honestly feel like a little kid in a candy store excited to be picking from a wide selection of candy! I can't help but start feeling excited for our new patient appointment. I already feel welcome and at home. They are all so awesome and just so personable.

Today I was having a really rough day at work and I got a call towards the end of my day from the coordinator to let me know that she had emailed me earlier this morning confirming our change in appointment. I hadn't checked my email all day and after hanging up the phone I sat at my desk opened my email and looked at the email. 

This email made me smile! Now if only we could sleep until our appointment!

Till next time!

28 More days!

This is how many days we have until our very first appointment with our new RE! Initially we had our appointment for October 30th which was a Tuesday and I wanted to make sure Sarah could make the appointment. I don't want to be with out her, lol. So I called the office and asked if there was any way possible to move the appointment to a Wed-Friday appointment. The office lady assured me that was the best they could give me and I was not complaining just trying. After all their waiting list is now booked until July of 2013! All I can say is "are you kidding me?!" I am so glad we were able to get in earlier!

The front lady told me she was going to see if she could do anything. I wasn't expecting anything that day and within a couple of hours she called me to tell me she could grant our wish! She not only moved our appointment to a Thursday but she moved it up to the beginning of the month! October 4th baby!!! So this means that once we meet with him on that day we can start with that period in October!! Are you for real?! I need someone to pinch me!

We are SO ready to get this started again, ready to just be back. Tune in for more updates!

Lots of love!

Is it possible?

Is it possible to live normal again? These past two years of fertility treatments have really changed who we are individually and as a couple. I don't think I will ever be the same, both of us. That's okay though, I would never change it for the world. I just wish I could sometimes have a switch button to turn off at times. Every time I see a baby my heart warms up and when I see a pregnant woman I get happy and sad. I just want it to be our turn. I know there are many others in this world who are asking the exact same thing..."when will it be our turn?"

I pray and pray to God that he give me strength to never give up, ever. I know it will be our time, its the waiting part that has been the hardest time. I really know can say I understand the phrase "patience is a virtue".

Baby dust to all! <3

Financial Phone Call

Today our financial adviser called us to go over our IVF package. We decided to go with a two-cycle plan which includes two fresh cycles and an as many frozen embryo transfers we need until pregnant. Our adviser told  us that the plan does not expire until there is a live birth. I brought up the fact that if anything was to happen God forbid would we be covered and yes we would be. I felt a huge, HUGE sigh of relief hearing this. We feel really good about this now its just about saving our money. We have most of the meds we will need...huge sigh of relief and now we wait until our first appointment which should be around October! I could run down the street screaming I am so excited!!!

Long Overdue!

Hello blogger world!! It sure has been awhile!! I apologize to everyone who has contacted me and have seen zero response from me. Our Internet has been down and continues to be down so I am reporting from work while I am on break!

So what has been going on with us two?!
Well we told you all that we were moving to a bigger and better house two houses down...literally! Well, we were given a date of the 22nd then it got moved to the 11th, then it got moved to the 5th! As you can see all the moving around of dates really had us confused and we had decided to plan on moving out on the 22nd that way we didn't feel rushed moving. Then, we got a call on the 3rd that the house would be in fact ready to move in so we jumped on that train! Before you knew it were packing at the speed of light and coordinating friends and family to help move us in, along with everything else that comes along with moving! Boy, it was quite the move! Everything was a mess!! Me being the organized person that I am through that out the window. We are still unpacking and moving stuff around. Thankfully we are moved in. We still have to clean the other place out and finish some stuff over there but for the most part we are 80% done.

Every evening after work I come home and we both start on something with the house. We want to just get it all done and behind us. I guess it didn't help that in that week our washer broke, and our Internet has failed to be connected....but we have TV! We are still awaiting them to come and connect! I hate being with out Internet! I love everything about this house! We are starting to put "our" touches in the house. Its starting to feel like home.

I think the hardest part of this move was not the fact that we were go-go-go but the empty room. In our other house our second bedroom was not really visible unless you went down the hallway now I pass the room every time I go to our bedroom or in that part of the house. Every time I picture "our" baby room decorated and the cooing of a newborn baby. Something so close yet it feels so far away. I cried the first night we were moved in. I sat in the empty room and just cried. Haven't cried since we found out about our negative. It didn't make it any better when I had to look at the baby stuff we have bought over the past two years. I still don't know why we bought baby stuff. I mean not a lot but some cute neutral color clothes. I can't wait to have that baby in our arms.

We had a phone consult with our new doctor whom I love and appreciate! He was awesome and down to earth. He explained that after reviewing my chart he believes I was on too high of meds. I had a feeling of this. He said especially for my age. He also said that based on my antral-follicle count he should have known that  I would have stimmed well which I did. I went too fast which caused me to have a lot of immature eggs. He also said that based on how many eggs I had at day three I should have been a day three transfer and NOT a day 5. Another big sigh. I cried on the phone and he was so comforting and said it was OK. He understood how frustrated this entire process was. So we have decided we want to start with my period in November. Which means retrieval/transfer would be December/Jan. We may push it earlier if we can save enough by then. I can't wait to get this process going!!!

Thank you to all who reached out while I was gone! You are all awesome :)